2) For our first date, we can go anywhere except Mc Grady’s, because I’m banned for life after firing a plastic arrow into the owner’s eye’s arm on Halloween, while dressed as Cupid.

I’ve actually dropped full stories and dialogues into my profile.

For example, imagine a profile opening with this: Me: Hey, what should I put in my profile? Indian Roommate: I hope you don’t get laid, and I never have to clean that up again.

Indian Roommate: Write that you always practice safe sex. If I wrote “I’m funny, get laid a lot, and have a big penis,” no one would ever believe me.

I know because you leave your Magnum condoms littered all over our shared bathroom. Because I used a story, it wasn’t qualifying or approval seeking, and girls pick that information up from the details.

(Though this example borders on being to overtly sexual. A guy who asked me for online dating advice had this on his profile: A girl reading that knows it’s probably bullshit, but it’d make her laugh, show her he’s funny, and that he has interesting experiences to share.

See point 4 below.) From this story, you also know I don’t take myself too seriously, and don’t apologize for anything. Take it a step further, and you can convey perspective.

For example, look at these two different versions: I grew up in Brazil, the land of jiu-jitsu and models, where the men have big muscles, and the women have bigger asses.

There is a myth that you have to be good-looking to get laid with online dating. Even if you haven’t been gifted with a face so beautiful that makes the baby Jesus weep at it’s glory (like me), you can still get laid with online dating.

Even if you don’t do online dating, these principles apply to any writing or storytelling you do, in person or in text. Here’s how: The classic writing advice “show, don’t tell” also applies to online dating.

For example, look at these two profiles: 1) I’m the class clown among my friends.

I’m really good at making people laugh, and like to have a good time.