Due to the nature of my work and in particular my spidey senses and sniffer dog nose for shadiness and assholery, I can pick up on very subtle early warning signs that someone else may construe as me being ‘negative’ or even ‘too sensitive’. Now some people might think I’m crackers for thinking that but that warning turned out to be ridiculously true.

Or, Why are you going out with someone who despises women/men?

You don’t think it’s a bit strange that they’re embezzling their company?

The ‘problem’ with picking up on stuff and feeling uncomfortable is that we can fall into the trap of reading this as ‘judgmental’. Hell – sometimes we like to make up the best in people.

Watch out for Choppers with their insidious erosion of your self-esteem, self-image and even your perception of reality with their putdowns and passive aggressive mind effery.

They don’t punch you in the face on day one or come out with something directly offensive but they do slip in a putdown where you think, We don’t see it as something that can affect us…yet…

which is why so many of us have been or are with people who behave pretty damn badly with others and now do so with us.

We thought we’d be the exception to the rule or that what we picked up was irrelevant to a romantic relationship or could be overcome with our love and pleasing.

Classic examples are people who are discourteous to, for instance, restaurant staff or who rage at others right in front of you.

One reader went on 4-5 dates with somebody who went absolutely ballistic while driving with her on all of the dates – warning sign of anger issues.

Early jealousy and possessiveness is another classic – one ex had a hissy fit when he found out that my ex boyfriend was helping me with a project at uni – we’d been dating for four days when this happened and lo and behold, he was very controlling and jealous throughout the relationship.

Why are you going out with somebody who hates your own race or another race, especially when you don’t feel the same way?